just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
