How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
