My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That accounts for only three of the penises
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
this is an emotional support booty call
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
