mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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