I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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