So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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