Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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