if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
