scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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