i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
