I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
