Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
