We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
