your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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