Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Everything about him screamed your future.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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