this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
