there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
