If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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