the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
someone owes me an orgasm
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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