u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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