hotel room ftw
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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