Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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