Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
