are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
