hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
