Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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