i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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