You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
