You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i believe in u and ur pee
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
