So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
