it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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