Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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