im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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