There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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