isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
