and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Randomize