how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
