Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
