also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
