my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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