Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
