hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
