I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
