I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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