Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize