That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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