Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
