We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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