You just made me feel so damn special
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
