I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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