The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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