All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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