The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
