I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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