Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize