I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
