you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
