That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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