well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
My cat gives me a boner
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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