Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Randomize