You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
