wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
