She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is wine microwaveable?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
