I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
