is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
