Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
