My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
