I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize