When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just invented taco cereal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
