apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
