Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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