Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
