Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize