Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
