Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
You can't motorboat a personality
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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