yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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