i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
