I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Houston, we have a squirter
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize