so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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