Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
