thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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