Betty ford says i'm here all night
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
