six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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