You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
