I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
