you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
