You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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