After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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