so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
