A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Randomize
