I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
