Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
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