i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
