You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
