why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
