so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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