she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
